Four Little Words

“You have Parkinson’s Disease.” I sat there and stared at the doctor. Did I really hear what I thought I heard? My wife and I had gone into this appointment, expecting to hear something like this, but hearing the doctor say that, was very sobering. There was almost a finality to it. Instantly, a thousand questions begin to pour through my mind. It felt overwhelming, and I honestly was not sure where to start.

Thankfully my wife was there, and she was able to ask a few questions, as I sat there trying to take it all in. As we left that office, we both realized that there was so much we did not know, and that we were embarking on a journey that would carry us through the rest of our lives. So many questions, so many things to consider, so much uncertainty. To be honest, I could not even find my voice, and all the worst-case scenarios started pouring through my mind. Many family members and friends knew we had this appointment, and were waiting to hear, but I just couldn’t talk, I just couldn’t say it, for if I said it, then it became real.

Thankfully my wife, again, was able to talk with others and share the news (she is our planner, and her mind was already spinning with how we were going to fight this thing). As we drove home, I sat there in stunned silence – how could this be possible - I'm only 44 years old for crying out loud? Surely there has been a mistake? God, haven’t I already had enough health issues? How is my family going to survive this? And on and on the questions went.

It was at this moment, that God brought back to remembrance, a verse that He gave me, almost exactly 5 years ago, when I was facing my third hip replacement, “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:13-14)

In that one moment, I was reminded that I have hope, for He is with me. As difficult as it was to see and believe this at that moment, in my head and heart I knew it to be true. He knows the path I’m beginning upon. He knows the end. He knows the ups and the downs we will have. He knows the faith and the doubts that will plague us. And most importantly, He knows how He will provide.

This verse and realization did not mean my sorrows or frustrations were magically taken away, or that I was now jumping for joy at the prospect of yet another very challenging health struggle, one that would carry me through the rest of my life. This realization did not mean I was still not struggling with doubts, or that all my questions and fears were answered. It simply reminded me that in the face of devastating news, and an uncertain future, I could have hope, because He is with me, and He will never leave me or forsake me.

As I stepped out onto the journey that day, a journey that no one ever wants to take, I knew there was somebody that was, and always will be, walking right beside me, and because of this, I can have hope.